What to do when you're feeling so-so about your goals

If you’re human (and I’m assuming we all are here), then you’ve probably experienced a situation where you had a goal or something you desired, but also found yourself not feeling like putting in the effort to get the thing.

There’s something you want the outcome of… like reaching a specific goal, being healthier and/or fitter, being better with your finances, feeling more organized… but you find yourself resistant to making the necessary changes.

We reach this point where we know we have (or had 🙂) this goal, but we find ourselves not thinking about or sticking with it as much and might find ourselves debating whether doing the actions that would get us to our goal are worth doing.

If we don’t really feel like it right now, it can also feel like it’s not really worth pursuing. If it doesn’t feel like it means that much to us at this moment, it can be easy for us to interpret that as it doesn’t mean much to us as a whole.

Experiencing ambivalence (both wanting and not wanting to change) with things is… well, human.

It’s part of the process. If we go ahead and know to expect that it will come up at some point, we are better suited to navigate through it when the time comes. Hitting a point where we feel ambivalent toward our goals doesn’t need to be something that makes us fall off track or let go of the goal completely.

It’s important to understand that experiencing ambivalence doesn’t inherently mean you no longer care about your goals or that they’re no longer worth pursuing (even if it feels that way).

KNOWING that hitting this point is normal and to be expected, and that it doesn’t have to mean anything other than we’re no longer relying on new and exciting to get us to do the thing…

How can we navigate it when we reach this point?!

As always, it comes back to your inner dialogue (you’re surprised, aren’t you ;)).

You probably find yourself in situations where you start to debate whether or not you want to do the thing, if you feel like doing it, if it’s even worth doing. Why go to the gym when I’ve had a long day and I’m so cozy here on the couch??

We start to talk ourselves OUT of doing the things we were aiming for.

Our internal dialogue makes an argument for not changing or sticking with these actions, which doesn't bode well for seeing the changes we want to in ourselves and our lives.

When it comes to making changes or going after a goal, there will always be pros and cons to doing so, so of course our brains are going to back back and forth between the two.

But as our internal dialogue has such an influence on our behaviors, we can shift our self-talk to focus more on the pros of doing the thing to help us stay on the path of our goals.

It’s normal and expected to question your commitment, to come up with reasons for not showing up to the changes you want to make, so watch for when your brain is making these arguments.

When we notice our brains going in this direction, we can change our self-talk.

How you can tip the scale more in favor of the pros than the cons:

Ask yourself:

Why do I want to do this? What kind of person do I want to be - which choice would they make?

What do I feel capable of doing/changing at this time (week, month, chapter of your life, etc)?

Would my future self thank me for doing this? Would my future self regret not sticking with this? What decision would my future self want me to make?

You can also use self-talk that helps get you to take action:

“I am choosing to ___” “I am choosing do this workout. I know I will be happy I did afterwards.”

“I am going to ___” “I am going to go grab my shoes and headphones and get out the door.”

An example of something that may go through your head:

I know I want to be someone who stays active and gets the benefits of doing so. I may not feel excited or motivated about it right now, but that’s ok. I don’t need to be to do the thing. I know I want to be fit, healthy, strong, and be the type of person who takes care of myself so I’m going to choose to keep showing up for myself.

Any action or change comes with pros and cons. When we’re focused on the cons (*it takes intention and awareness to realize when this is happening) we can easily talk ourselves out of sticking with something. What we can do is find compelling reasons FOR following through with the changes we want to make and shift our focus onto those.

It’s quite powerful to make a choice. While your brain may want to toggle between “I really want this outcome and to make these changes” and “I don’t feel like it,” we can quiet this internal debate by choosing a direction, choosing to commit to that for the time being, and continuing to put one foot in front of the other.