How to change your identity
If we want to show up differently in our lives—whether it’s in our habits, behaviors, social settings, career, love life, or self-care—it all starts with shifting our identity. Your identity is the internal narrative that shapes how you see yourself, and this narrative influences everything you do. We’re more likely to act in alignment with our identity, so it impacts our actions, how we carry ourselves, and how others perceive us.
As you’re probably putting together, shifting your self-perception can make a big difference. So the question inevitably becomes: How do I shift my identity??
The brain
Your thoughts and beliefs are not facts, and your identity isn’t set in stone. Our identity - how we view ourselves and what we believe about ourselves - is really made up of thoughts and beliefs. As thoughts and beliefs aren’t fact and can be changed at any time, so can our identity.
I think it can be incredibly helpful to understand neuroplasticity, which is essentially the concept that your brain can change and adapt. Our brains create neural pathways based on our repeated thoughts and actions. The more you think a certain way or do something repeatedly, the stronger those pathways become, and you can rewire your brain by creating new pathways through being more intentional with your thoughts and behaviors.
How to change your identity
To shift your identity, you first have to believe you can change. You need to be willing to let go of the old stories you’ve told yourself and start telling a new one.
This can be difficult because we often feel attached to our current identity, even if it’s not serving us. But shifting doesn’t mean abandoning who you are—it’s more about evolving. Think about when you transitioned from being a high school student to a college student. You adopted a new identity without much struggle. It’s the same concept here, just on a more conscious level.
What identity do you want to choose for yourself? Who do you want to be? What narrative do you want to tell yourself?
Think about the things you want, your aspirations, and the kinds of actions you want to get yourself to follow through with more often, then translate that into an identity.
Instead of thinking, “Starting today, I have to keep my house tidy,” try telling yourself, “I am someone who keeps their house tidy.” The key here is to choose the identity you want to embody, not just the actions you want to take.
You might say:
I am someone who sticks to their gym schedule.
I am someone who enjoys eating healthy meals.
I am someone who follows through with their commitments.
I am someone who saves money automatically every paycheck.
Think of it as trying on new clothes or becoming a new character. It’s not permanent, and if it doesn’t feel right, you can always adjust it. But give yourself permission to be this new version of yourself.
The interplay between identity and your behaviors
Your identity influences your actions, but it’s not a one-way street. Your actions ALSO influence your behaviors. What you do, and especially how you interpret what you do - either consciously or unconsciously, informs your self-perception
For example, if you see yourself as someone who hates eating healthy or finds it really difficult (even if your goal is to eat healthier) you’re probably going to be less likely to make healthier eating choices, which will further ingrain the belief that you don’t like eating healthy or find eating healthy difficult… which may be why you DO have this story about yourself.
Or if you believe you’re someone who is bad with money you’re more likely to continue engaging in behaviors that provide your brain with evidence that you’re not good with money, which will lead to continuing to have this belief about yourself and perpetuating the cycle. Probably not what we want :).
How we can make use of this: 1 - we can notice where things we’re currently doing are reinforcing a self-perception we don’t want OR how we’re interpreting those actions are creating a self-perception we know doesn’t serve us or align with who we want to be. 2 - we can purposefully do things that will help reinforce the identity we want to have for ourselves.
So, your identity influences your behaviors and your behaviors influence your identity. We can make big shifts by choosing a new narrative about ourselves AND by intentionally working on taking action or making decisions that ALIGN with who we want to be. You can decide today that this is how you’re going to start seeing yourself. You might not always show up this way moving forward because the brain likes efficiency and what is known and comfortable so it’s easier for your brain to revert back to what it’s used to. That’s okay, but when that happens, still hold this new narrative for yourself and continue making decisions in alignment with that :).
Implementation:
Learning about and understanding a concept is great, but the action and implementation part of the equation is where all the magic happens.
So grab a piece of paper and write this down:
On one side, write “Identity.” On the other, write “Behaviors.”
Under “Identity,” list the new version of yourself you want to become. Then, under “Behaviors,” write specific actions that align with this new identity. For example, if you want to be someone who’s tidy, your behaviors could be: “Clean the kitchen after dinner,” “Put dirty clothes in the hamper,” or “Spend 10 minutes tidying up before bed.”
Alternatively, you can reverse this. Write down behaviors you want to adopt, then identify the self-perception that would make these actions more natural for you.
Focus on just 1-2 areas to start. As you stay committed to these, you’ll notice shifts in other areas of your life as well.
Final thoughts
Changing your identity is not a full abandonment of yourself and working to be someone you’re not. And it’s not about disregarding or disliking who we are. Accept who you are, accept the iteration of you that has been, and understand that there are a variety of different versions of you. You are just walking into a new iteration or new chapter of you. One that is more aligned with who you REALLY want to be - someone who shows up as a great version of yourself for you and those around you.