How to get out of all-or-nothing thinking
Good ‘ole all-or-nothing thinking.
All-or-nothing thinking is one of the top obstacles I see preventing individuals from taking the necessary actions to achieve their desired outcomes (such as fat loss, changing habits, achieving a specific goal, etc).
What is all-or-nothing thinking?
This is when we’re operating from a mindset where we’re either ON a diet or OFF a diet. Where we’re either doing it exactly how we think it’s supposed to be done or choosing not to do it. The “I messed up… I’ll restart on Monday” mentality.
It’s a form of black and white, or dichotomous, thinking.
Why do we do this?
To put it simply, it’s easier for our brains. It takes less cognitive effort so it can be easy for this to be our innate response. Either being “on” the diet by doing exactly what the diet says to do or being “off” the diet if we go outside of the structure of the diet doesn’t take as much brain power. It simplifies your choices.
People also struggle with the idea that if we aren’t doing enough we aren’t going to see results… so why bother!? (BTW, just because we perceive something to be a certain way doesn’t mean it’s true. We usually don’t have to go as for on the extreme end of the spectrum to see results as your brain might lead you to believe in the moment).
What’s the issue?
I like using the analogy of an on and off switch for all-or-nothing thinking. If you don’t feel like eating how you think you’re supposed to for your diet or if you feel like you messed up your diet in some way, the other option in your brain is going to be the “off” side of the switch.
I want you to imagine trying to run a marathon. While running the marathon you only allow yourself to run 100% as fast as you can or completely stop running. Imagine how long it would take you to get to the finish line if you completely stopped every time you didn’t have it in you to push yourself 100%... if you were to even make it to the finish line. (In all honesty, you might never make it to the finish line).
Instead of a switch, with only two options, envision a dial, where a plethora of other options exist.
A common trend amongst those who tend to get in the all-or-nothing mindset: they decide to go on a diet, when they mess up the diet they abandon it, they stay the same weight or gain some weight, then they go back to attempting a rigid diet.
Or on a smaller scale, they see certain foods as “good” or “bad” which affects their behaviors toward food. If they see pizza as “bad” and they consume some, this can automatically mean they messed up their diet or did something wrong. For a variety of reasons I won’t get into in this post, this tends to lead people towards behaviors that ultimately sabotage or hinder their ultimate goals.
The TLDR: The all-or-nothing mindset doesn’t lend itself very well to seeing or keeping results… which is the whole making efforts to change your habits, right?
How to move away from this mindset:
Start practicing living in the grey area (aka - thinking more flexibly). Realize that the all-or-nothing thinking is likely hindering your progress and you’ll probably have to remind yourself of this when the all-or-nothing thoughts come up.
Awareness is so key here. You have to have awareness of these thoughts happening, and then have the awareness to divert your train of thought to a more beneficial one.
Eating pizza or donuts doesn’t mean you’ve blown your diet or sabotaged your progress. Labeling things as “good,” “bad,” “right,” or “wrong” might be doing you more harm than good.
What if you took on a more neutral perspective and actions were just actions and choices were just choices?
What if there was no such thing as falling off your diet? What if you saw making changes to your eating habits and lifestyle as walking into a new version of you rather than a short time period where you’re on a health kick?
Remind yourself that things are more nuanced than “this or that” and an option within the two ends of the spectrum is going to benefit you more. Getting information from quality, accurate resources on subjects such as fitness and nutrition will help you think about things more rationally when the all-or-nothing thoughts come up.
What this can look like:
When you can’t follow the guidelines of an action, you may say “screw it, might as well not even bother.”
But when you catch yourself in these kinds of thoughts, you can remind yourself to live in the grey area (or whatever analogy resonates with you).
Instead of skipping your workouts when you don’t feel like you have the full 1 hour for them, do what you can in the time you DO have, or find a different workout you can do in a shorter timeframe.
Instead of going out to eat with friends, enjoying pizza, and then saying screw it and overindulging in other “no-no’s” the rest of the night, enjoy some pizza, get some veggies/a salad on the side, and be mindful of how full you are.
If you go a day where you went completely left of your goals, instead of wallowing in shame and guilt and feeling incapable, recognize you’re a human, maybe get curious as to why whatever happened happened, and get back to more balanced choices the next day.
The key takeaways:
If you realize you tend to be an all-or-nothing thinker, have some compassion for yourself. For many of us, it’s our brain’s innate response sometimes as it requires less cognitive effort.
You CAN become someone who doesn’t see things in a black and white way or who doesn’t take action based on the all-or-nothing thoughts.
Start with awareness. Be aware of your thoughts, notice when the all-or-nothing thoughts are popping up and practice thinking more flexibly.
Here’s to you becoming a more flexible thinker and seeing more success as a result :).
Helping people move away from all-or-nothing thinking habits is one of the main aspects of what I do in coaching. If you tend to be an all-or-nothing thinker and would benefit from extra guidance and support in this process while also getting clarity on how to reach your goals and learn quality information along the way, you can go here to inquire about working together.